Menu Close

I Think I Might Be an Expert at This

Momservation: Trust me. You can get used to a calendar not marked up in 50 shades of birthday parties, soccer practice, PTA meetings and carpool schedules.

☺        ☺        ☺

I know I am not the first person to have their kids fly the nest, but when it happens to you, don’t you feel like the person who invented fire?

“Look! Look what I am doing! Behold! I have discovered life after raising children!” Cue the dramatic revelation music.

Or that you are now Miguel Almaguer, top news reporter at NBC Nightly News, reporting what you have learned?

“Good evening. I’m here at Costco and things have taken a dramatic turn—for the better. Now that this mother doesn’t have to shop for hungry teenagers and all their friends, not only can she get out of Costco for under $100, but Empty Nesting parents everywhere are realizing: Do I even need to go to Costco anymore?” Cue video of the mobs of people crowded around free samples blocking isles.

Or that you have now become a curiosity to those who still have kids at home?

“If you look to your left, you will now see a stress-free mother who has no where she has to be tonight and no one she has to nag to do something for the millionth time. Note everything is still where she left it—including her phone charger, and the calendar on her desk is strangely devoid of any practices, rehearsals, school events or activities.” Cue the oooo’s and ahhhh’s of wonderment.

Or that you are now considered an expert on all things pertaining to young adults?

“Why yes, Janet, I can address what you are going to need to do when your college student has gotten a citation for drinking in the dorms and lost the key to their car again. Nothing. It is their problem, not yours. Practice saying that: “It is their problem, not mine.” Cue the toy aliens from Toy Story saying in unison, “oooooohhhhhhh.”

So, I know I’m not the first to embark on this next new chapter of Empty Nesting, but it’s new to me. Like a toddler trying a Coke Slurpee for the first time, I am suddenly awakened to wanting to know what the hell else is out there that is so amazingly wonderful and delicious.

Trust me. The sadness of your children growing up and moving on will dissipate. The strangeness of being a party of two again becomes comfortable and even fun.

As your Empty Nesting tour guide I’m here to tell those of you behind me in line for this ride:

“We’re sorry, but this is an adults only ride. Expectant mothers, children under 3 and children who do not meet the height or maturity requirement are not allowed on this ride. Please come back when you are not accompanied by minors. We’ll keep the sangria chilling for you.” Cue the snoring because you’re not waiting up at night for your teenage kids to get home safely.

#EmptyNesting  #NowItsGettingFun  #NewChapter

Skip to content