Momservation: It’s a fine line between giving the perfect gift and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
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After 15 years of writing this parenting column we’ve come a long way from my kids wanting Heelys and iPod Touches for Christmas.
I’ve put together a lot of lists over the years: Mom’s Top 10 Rules for Kids, 10 Awesome Activities with Kids, 5 Rules of Marriage, 5 Things Every Teen Wants for Christmas and 4 Sad Ways Social Media Has Made Kids Less Social just to name a few.
But now that I’m an Empty Nester and parent to college kids ages 18 and 20, I was thinking maybe my work here was done. Sure you needed my tips when we were drowning in never-ending cycles of laundry, dinner that insisted on happening every single night, and carpool requests that made you want to go into the Witness Protection Program.
Now though? Now with our kids safely tucked in dorm rooms, apartments, and even their own beds while pursuing their independence, I feel like we are clinking our glasses of Prosecco, fist bumping and saying, “You got it from here, right?”
What left is there to do now that we are done actively parenting? Now that our roles have been reduced from main character in our kids’ lives to supporting cast.
Why, make fun of them, of course!
So without further ado…5 Things Your College Kids Want for Christmas!
- A fake ID. For $150 you can get not one, but two fake ID’s (in case one gets confiscated) with all your own information so you don’t have to memorize fake personal information! These real looking ID’s with the magnetic strip that even works will get them into all those popular bars and be able to “buy up” for anyone needing alcohol including themselves. Nothing says love like getting your kid started in a life of fraud!
- White Claws. This popular hard seltzer that tastes better than beer and with more percentage of alcohol comes in a variety of suck right down flavors! Girls drink it, guys drink it cause “There ain’t no laws with White Claws!” In fact, it’s so popular there has been a shortage and Budweiser has taken notice with fruity Natty Seltzers becoming equally popular. Imagine how happy your co-ed would be to unwrap a case or two of White Claws so they wouldn’t have to steal from their roommate’s stash!
- Coachella/Stagecoach Tickets. The music festival scene of Indio is where it’s at. EVERYONE goes (at least that’s what your kid will tell you), with celebrities and hot young adults as plentiful as smuggled in bladders of vodka. And there is no greater Instagram FOMO or envy than not having a selfie in front of one of the iconic Coachella/Stagecoach landmarks in your story. Oh yeah, and the musical line-ups are pretty amazing too. You will be the rock star if you give the gift of these expensive, coveted tickets!
- Uber & Amazon Gift Cards. Help this helpless generation continue to get where they want to go and what they think they need without it racking up your credit card bill. Bike? Public transit? Walk? Bum a ride? That’s not boujee! Now with a swipe of an app the car that will be waiting for them is on them instead of you! And when they impulsively desire something and want it in two days or less? A swipe of an app and it arrives on their doorstep like magic on their dime instead of your account. Give them an Uber or Amazon gift card and your cuss jar will remain empty the next time you open your credit card bill! (At least for a month.)
- Prepaid Lime/Bird Scooter Rides. There is not a college campus that doesn’t have these zip-around-town or straight-to-the-emergency-room favorite modes of transportation littered all over sidewalks. And what better time to ride them than when you’re drunk and just want to get to that next bar or party? In fact, why not double up to save money? Give the gift of a prepaid Lime/Bird Scooter ride so your co-ed can be their own solo pilot or you can pay thousands more for that inevitable emergency room visit when the tandem ride bites the dust!
#CollegeKidFavorites #ChristmasRockStar #StagecoachTixAreForMe