Momservation: The view is not so overwhelming and scary when you step away from the edge of your heartache.
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There has been a shift as they promised there would be.
Call it a shift in perspective, a shift in time, a shift in acceptance—no matter. I’ll take this two steps back from standing with my toes hanging over the yawning precipice of my aching void.
People think of steps backward as negative, but in this case I’ll take it as moving in the right direction.
I’m done staring at the Grand Canyon gulch of missing my first-born child who has flown the nest to the wider world. I stood there for months and just ogled at this crevasse, amazed and strangely comforted by the huge void left in his absence. I guess I took it as proof of my unmeasurable love for him, the joy he brought to my life—our family, and that I must have done a good job raising him if I missed him so terribly.
But the view hurts. And I don’t want to hurt anymore. So I have taken two steps back to refocus on what else there is out there besides a mother’s awe-inspiring Grand Canyon that is endlessly carved by the river of love for her children.
Inevitably, as the mothers who have stood before me at this precipice promised, this new place of perspective, or time, or acceptance where I stand, has shifted my view.
It’s not so overwhelming and scary anymore when you’re not standing at the edge of your heartache.
Your attitude is much more optimistic when you are looking up and around instead of down.
When you’re not so focused on the abyss, you hear the birds, you feel the sunshine, you notice the wildflowers, and you smell the pines…you come alive to the things that have always surrounded you.
Then suddenly, the world looks like the exciting and adventurous place again that you were so eager to share with children of your own.
And that’s when you notice all the different paths to your next great view.
My son has run ahead down a path of higher education that will open up a world of possibilities with amazing views.
My daughter, a senior, is hoping to dart down a path that leads to the ocean and the amazing watery sunsets she will see from a Santa Barbara dorm room.
And then there are so many choices in direction for Hubby and I. New career paths, paths to rediscover the joys of just being husband and wife, paths toward new hobbies or having the time again to pick up old hobbies, travel possibility paths, and unknown paths that promise the view will be worth courageously venturing forward.
But the most important shift I have felt in taking two steps back is turning my focus away from my heartache and back again to the horizon. In doing so I have regained faith and hope that all these paths that diverge away from me and the love I have for my family, will always loop back home.
Because when you have created a Grand Canyon from the joy of family, it is something so amazing and wonderful that those you love will always feel compelled to come back and take in its beauty.
#TwoStepsBack #StepAwayFromYourHeartache #EmptyNesting