Momservation: Homework is the coconut in the chocolate bar of Back to School Almond Joy.
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I’m starting to wonder if I accidentally sent my kids to military school.
Every year when school starts my kids come home with new stricter rules. It’s gotten so extreme that I almost said, “Good morning, Warden,” when I saw the principal today.
In fact, I’m starting to think I was lucky to get out of elementary school alive with all the new rules they constituted for “the children’s safety.”
Here’s a list of things kids are no longer allowed to do at my kids’ school:
- No running at recess. Someone might trip and fall. Gasp!
- No open toed shoes. Someone might skin or stub a toe at recess. Oh no!
- No sleeveless shirts. Someone might get a sunburn? They can’t get scraped if they trip and fall because they’re not allowed to run…
- No playing tag or chase. This ties into the running but I think it is the precursor to outlawing laughing and having fun…
- No talking at lunch if it gets too loud. Is there a way to keep 200 kids quiet in a confined space? I can’t keep 2 kids in the back seat quiet.
- No one’s excused to recess until everyone’s done eating and it’s quiet. So, basically, you have no recess.
- If you are late you must get your hand stamped before going to class. And become the scarlet letter bearer of tardiness – we’ve come so far since the 1600’s.
As stupid as I think all these rules are I have encouraged my kids to go with the flow because you have to learn to adapt to rules that you don’t necessarily agree with or like to function in society.
“Rules are there for a reason,” I tell them. And then under my breath I say, “Because some idiot ruined it for everyone else.”
But the kids came home with a new rule the other day that has finally made me say, “Okay, time to fight the system.”
It is the Choose a Hand Position rule. Meaning whenever the kids are in the hallways and lined up they must choose a hand position: clasped behind their backs, hands in pockets or folded across their chests.
What’s next? Shackles on ankles and wrists?
The kids have been complaining that if they dare walk with their hands at their sides they are being yelled at from all directions and commanded, “Find a hand position!”
Yes, sir, I mean, ma’am, I mean, salute!
I send my kids to school to be educated not reformed.
Obviously, this is another knee-jerk reaction to a few kids being unable to keep their hands and feet to themselves. I hate to see what the blanket rule is going to be when kids start complaining, “Johnny won’t stop looking at me!” and the administration keeps being lazy. Choose an Eyeball Position? “You may look up, down or straight ahead otherwise walk with your eyes closed!”
Because I didn’t send my kids to military school, because this latest rule is unsafe (any day now a kid’s going to trip on the kid in front of them and not get their hands out of their pockets in time to brace their fall – concussion, knocked out front teeth seems like a good alternative?), but mainly because these generalized rules for a small minority creating misdemeanor problems are getting out of control – I’ll be at the first PTA meeting to teach my kids to stand up and say, “Enough is enough. We don’t agree with this and we need to figure out a better solution. Rules should be reasonable.”
And that hand stamp of shame? I know a place where the sun don’t shine for that thing…