{"id":9452,"date":"2008-11-03T10:59:11","date_gmt":"2008-11-03T10:59:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy"},"modified":"2008-11-03T10:59:11","modified_gmt":"2008-11-03T10:59:11","slug":"a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/","title":{"rendered":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Twas the Monday after Halloween<\/font><\/p>\n

And all through the house<\/font><\/p>\n

Half-eaten candy and wrappers <\/font><\/p>\n

Were scattered about<\/font><\/p>\n

Discarded costumes<\/font><\/p>\n

Once provoking dread<\/font><\/p>\n

Lay in heaps and piles<\/font><\/p>\n

From floor to bed<\/font><\/p>\n

Pumpkin seeds saved<\/font><\/p>\n

Still uncooked in a bowl<\/font><\/p>\n

Are now turning green<\/font><\/p>\n

All covered with mold<\/font><\/p>\n

Jack-o-lantern smiles<\/font><\/p>\n

Now starting to droop<\/font><\/p>\n

Already rotting<\/font><\/p>\n

On my front entry stoop<\/font><\/p>\n

The festive décor<\/font><\/p>\n

Once strewn about in glee<\/font><\/p>\n

Just looks like another <\/font><\/p>\n

Job waiting for me<\/font><\/p>\n

They hang from knobs<\/font><\/p>\n

They are affixed on glass<\/font><\/p>\n

They are on tables<\/font><\/p>\n

What a pain in the a**<\/font><\/p>\n

So I grab another Snickers<\/font><\/p>\n

What-the-heck a Baby Ruth<\/font><\/p>\n

All confiscated <\/font><\/p>\n

In the name of the tooth<\/font><\/p>\n

As I gnaw on the Twix<\/font><\/p>\n

Sugar Babies and Mounds<\/font><\/p>\n

I curse the beginning<\/font><\/p>\n

Of my holiday pounds<\/font><\/p>\n

And as I wrap up<\/font><\/p>\n

Each decoration put away<\/font><\/p>\n

Out comes another <\/font><\/p>\n

For Thanksgiving Day<\/font><\/p>\n

So I pop one more Smarties<\/font><\/p>\n

Ready to hurl<\/font><\/p>\n

I remind myself it’s for<\/font><\/p>\n

A special boy and girl<\/font><\/p>\n

Then I self medicate<\/font><\/p>\n

With a Reese’s peanut butter cup<\/font><\/p>\n

Only 52 days to Christmas<\/font><\/p>\n

I’m gonna throw up.<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

©Kelli Wheeler 11\/08<\/strong><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Twas the Monday after Halloween And all through the house Half-eaten candy and wrappers Were scattered about Discarded costumes Once provoking dread Lay in heaps…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9452","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nA Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Twas the Monday after Halloween And all through the house Half-eaten candy and wrappers Were scattered about Discarded costumes Once provoking dread Lay in heaps…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Kelli M. Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kelli M Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kelli M Wheeler\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\"},\"headline\":\"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy\",\"datePublished\":\"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":197,\"commentCount\":0,\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/\",\"name\":\"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/11\\\/03\\\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Kelli M. Wheeler\",\"description\":\"AUTHOR -WRITING INSTRUCTOR \u2013 PUBLISHER \u2013 FREELANCE WRITER\\\/EDITOR \u2013 FAMILY COLUMNIST\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\",\"name\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\"},\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/author\\\/kellimwheeler\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler","og_description":"Twas the Monday after Halloween And all through the house Half-eaten candy and wrappers Were scattered about Discarded costumes Once provoking dread Lay in heaps…","og_url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/","og_site_name":"Kelli M. Wheeler","article_published_time":"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00","author":"Kelli M Wheeler","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kelli M Wheeler","Est. reading time":"1 minute"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/"},"author":{"name":"Kelli M Wheeler","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43"},"headline":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy","datePublished":"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/"},"wordCount":197,"commentCount":0,"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/","url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/","name":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy - Kelli M. Wheeler","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2008-11-03T10:59:11+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2008\/11\/03\/a-post-mortem-halloween-soliloquy\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"A Post-Mortem Halloween Soliloquy"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/","name":"Kelli M. Wheeler","description":"AUTHOR -WRITING INSTRUCTOR \u2013 PUBLISHER \u2013 FREELANCE WRITER\/EDITOR \u2013 FAMILY COLUMNIST","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43","name":"Kelli M Wheeler","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kelli M Wheeler"},"url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/author\/kellimwheeler\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9452","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9452"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9452\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9452"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9452"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9452"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}