{"id":33832,"date":"2021-09-24T16:42:59","date_gmt":"2021-09-24T23:42:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=33832"},"modified":"2021-09-24T16:42:59","modified_gmt":"2021-09-24T23:42:59","slug":"i-think-i-might-be-an-expert-at-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2021\/09\/24\/i-think-i-might-be-an-expert-at-this\/","title":{"rendered":"I Think I Might Be an Expert at This"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>Trust me. You can get used to a calendar not marked up in 50 shades of birthday parties, soccer practice, PTA meetings and carpool schedules.<\/p>\n

☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺<\/p>\n

I know I am not the first person to have their kids fly the nest, but when it happens to you, don\u2019t you feel like the person who invented fire?<\/p>\n

\u201cLook! Look what I am doing! Behold! I have discovered life after raising children!\u201d Cue the dramatic revelation music.<\/p>\n

Or that you are now Miguel Almaguer, top news reporter at NBC Nightly News, reporting what you have learned?<\/p>\n

\u201cGood evening. I\u2019m here at Costco and things have taken a dramatic turn\u2014for the better. Now that this mother doesn’t have to shop for hungry teenagers and all their friends, not only can she get out of Costco for under $100, but Empty Nesting parents everywhere are realizing: Do I even need to go to Costco anymore?\u201d Cue video of the mobs of people crowded around free samples blocking isles.<\/p>\n

Or that you have now become a curiosity to those who still have kids at home?<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you look to your left, you will now see a stress-free mother who has no where she has to be tonight and no one she has to nag to do something for the millionth time. Note everything is still where she left it\u2014including her phone charger, and the calendar on her desk is strangely devoid of any practices, rehearsals, school events or activities.\u201d Cue the oooo\u2019s and ahhhh\u2019s of wonderment.<\/p>\n

Or that you are now considered an expert on all things pertaining to young adults?<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy yes, Janet, I can address what you are going to need to do when your college student has gotten a citation for drinking in the dorms and lost the key to their car again. Nothing. It is their problem, not yours. Practice saying that: \u201cIt is their problem, not mine.\u201d Cue the toy aliens from Toy Story <\/em>saying in unison, \u201coooooohhhhhhh.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, I know I\u2019m not the first to embark on this next new chapter of Empty Nesting, but it\u2019s new to me. Like a toddler trying a Coke Slurpee for the first time, I am suddenly awakened to wanting to know what the hell else is out there that is so amazingly wonderful and delicious.<\/p>\n

Trust me. The sadness of your children growing up and moving on will dissipate. The strangeness of being a party of two again becomes comfortable and even fun.<\/p>\n

As your Empty Nesting tour guide I\u2019m here to tell those of you behind me in line for this ride:<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re sorry, but this is an adults only ride. Expectant mothers, children under 3 and children who do not meet the height or maturity requirement are not allowed on this ride. Please come back when you are not accompanied by minors. We\u2019ll keep the sangria chilling for you.\u201d Cue the snoring because you\u2019re not waiting up at night for your teenage kids to get home safely.<\/p>\n

#EmptyNesting\u00a0 #NowItsGettingFun\u00a0 #NewChapter<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Reports from the other side of raising kids<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":33833,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2511],"tags":[2461,86,2800,2801,2802,5,2803,2804,2793,28,2805],"class_list":["post-33832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empty-nesting","tag-empty-nesting","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-life-after-50","tag-life-after-raising-kids","tag-miguel-almaguer","tag-momservations","tag-nbc-nightly-news","tag-new-chapters","tag-parenting-adult-children","tag-parenting-humor","tag-say-no-to-costco"],"yoast_head":"\nI Think I Might Be an Expert at This - Kelli M. 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