{"id":30424,"date":"2019-10-21T14:28:27","date_gmt":"2019-10-21T21:28:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=30424"},"modified":"2019-10-21T14:28:27","modified_gmt":"2019-10-21T21:28:27","slug":"the-five-stages-of-empty-nesting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/21\/the-five-stages-of-empty-nesting\/","title":{"rendered":"The Five Stages of Empty Nesting"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>They say true happiness begins when the kids leave and the dog dies.<\/p>\n

♥\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ♥\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ♥<\/strong><\/p>\n

So I seemed to have entered a new phase of Empty Nesting.<\/p>\n

The funny thing is, I think I\u2019m zipping through what I\u2019ve decided are the Five Stages of Empty Nesting and I think I might already be at Stage IV: Acceptance.<\/p>\n

Everyone\u2019s heard of the Five Stages of Grief:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Denial<\/li>\n
  2. Anger<\/li>\n
  3. Bargaining<\/li>\n
  4. Depression<\/li>\n
  5. Acceptance<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    But I think I\u2019ve stumbled upon the Five Stages of Empty Nesting<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Grief<\/li>\n
    2. Shock<\/li>\n
    3. Ambivalence<\/li>\n
    4. Acceptance<\/li>\n
    5. Euphoria<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      I definitely thought the first stage of Empty Nesting was Grief. I mean, before my kids even left for college I was crying in the pasta isle because I wasn\u2019t going to need to buy the Family Pack of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese anymore. And then when they left I was crying over laundry because there wasn\u2019t as much to do any longer. What the hell? Who cries over less laundry? Definitely the Grief stage.<\/p>\n

      So I thought: This feels like a death. My kids are gone. Not gone-gone (thank God), but gone. Am I going through the Five Stages of Grief?<\/em><\/p>\n

      But I wasn\u2019t in denial or anger or even bargaining. Sure, there was some denial when I tried doing the morning school routine with the dog instead (What do you want for breakfast, Darby? Would you like me to pack you a snack for later? We better hurry and get to the park before we get stuck in the drop-off lane!<\/em>). A little bit of anger when my son would call his dad to chat, but text me only when he needed money. And some bargaining when I would try to tempt my daughter into calling me later by telling her I had a great story to share.<\/p>\n

      But what I was feeling wasn\u2019t the Stages of Grief. It was just flat-out grief. Going Full Golden<\/a>, ugly-cry sad that my babies were gone and the chapter of raising my children was over. So Stage I of Empty Nesting? Definitely Grief<\/strong>, I decided.<\/p>\n

      Interestingly though, it didn\u2019t last as long as I thought it would. I heard other\u2019s stories of the months it took them to settle into the idea of their kids becoming adults and moving out and on, and I thought that would be me too, because I LOVED being a mother. I loved the active parenting of raising kids, and I loved who my kids had become. I wasn\u2019t looking forward to them leaving.<\/p>\n

      And I guess, technically, the Grief stage might have been longer because it started when my oldest left for college last year. But I definitely got over it after he came home for the summer and I was ready for that independent wild stallion to go back to school.<\/p>\n

      Then my daughter didn\u2019t leave for college until late September this year because she\u2019s on the California quarter system, so there isn\u2019t as much time to miss her with Parents\u2019 Weekend, Thanksgiving, and Christmas break allowing me to see her each month.<\/p>\n

      So I\u2019d say the bulk of the grieving happened before the kids left, mourning the end of the child-rearing stage.<\/p>\n

      Because then came the next stage of Empty Nesting: Shock.<\/p>\n

      I\u2019d say I\u2019ve been in shock that this has finally, actually happened: I have no kids at home.<\/p>\n

      Wasn\u2019t it just yesterday that I was crying because I was so sleep deprived from having two kids under two? Wasn\u2019t it just last week that all I wanted for Mother\u2019s Day was to be left alone and no one to call \u201cMommy!\u201d just for a few hours? Wasn\u2019t it just last year that I had a calendar full of kid-related activities with barely any time for myself?<\/p>\n

      Isn\u2019t this what we are supposed to be looking forward to? The day we successfully launch our kids into adulthood and it is all about us as a couple again? In this nice, quiet, empty house that finally stays clean? It\u2019s finally here? Shock. Stage II of Empty Nesting is definitely Shock.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Then as the shock slowly wears off and you settle into your time being your own, only cooking for two or just going out, weekends spent with friends and not on a cold, muddy soccer field in Outskirts Where-The-Hell-Are-We\u2026you realize you are now in Stage III of Empty Nesting: Ambivalence.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      It still feels strange, I haven\u2019t gotten used to this quiet house and am still trying to mother the dog, but\u2026I kinda like where this is going. I could see myself getting used to evenings out with friends, impromptu trips to Napa, not having to volunteer for the Crab Feed. I can still cry in the cheese isle because there\u2019s no one to buy cheese sticks for, but also realize Apple Hill can be fun without the kids. Ambivalence. Stage III of Empty Nesting is solidly ambivalent.<\/p>\n

      Which brings me to Stage IV where I think I am now: Acceptance.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      How do you know when you\u2019ve accepted that your kids are grown and flown and you are embracing Empty Nesting? It\u2019s when you learn to say (and mean it): Oh well. They\u2019ll figure it out. <\/em>Then you get off the college parent Facebook pages and quit helicopter parenting your kids.<\/p>\n

      They lost their room key? Oh well, they\u2019ll figure it out. No going on the Facebook Helicopter Pad and posting: My son lost his dorm key! Can you ask your students in Chug-a-Beer Hall to keep an eye out for it?<\/em><\/p>\n

      Couldn\u2019t drive to school because they came out to a flat tire? Oh well. They\u2019ll figure it out. No posting: Hey local Monsters University Parents! Anyone know a good mobile tire repair so my kid doesn\u2019t have to figure out how to use a car jack and change a tire?<\/em><\/p>\n

      They still haven\u2019t gotten a job and they\u2019re quickly draining their account of summer job money instead of saving it for a rainy day? Oh well. They\u2019ll figure it out. Looks like Saltines and ketchup packets and wiping with Playboy\u2019s Miss November cause Momma ain\u2019t Venmo-ing you beer money.<\/p>\n

      Yep. We\u2019re in Stage IV of Empty Nesting: Letting go and Accepting that they\u2019ll figure it out. The relinquishment of worry and transferring it to your kids feels wonderful. Loving Stage IV.<\/p>\n

      Which just leaves Stage V of Empty Nesting: Euphoria<\/strong> that the kids are gone.<\/p>\n

      I\u2019m not there yet. We still have two separate college tuitions to pay which reminds you that the kids aren\u2019t really gone. But give me another summer of my wildly independent kids coming home, messing up my house, making me stay up worrying all hours of the night until they come home, forcing me to actively parent again\u2026and I think I\u2019ll be ready for the Euphoria of Stage V Empty Nesting.<\/p>\n

      But apparently that won\u2019t happen until the dog dies.<\/p>\n

      #StagesOfEmptyNesting\u00a0\u00a0 #Momservations\u00a0\u00a0 #Acceptance<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      What stage are you at?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":30426,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2511],"tags":[2607,2608,2260,2461,2592,86,5,6,28,2527,2609,2610,2606],"class_list":["post-30424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empty-nesting","tag-5-stages-of-empty-nesting","tag-acceptance-of-empty-nesting","tag-boise-state","tag-empty-nesting","tag-going-full-golden","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-momservations","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-humor","tag-raising-college-kids","tag-stages-of-empty-nesting","tag-the-college-years","tag-ucsb"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Five Stages of Empty Nesting - Kelli M. 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