{"id":24165,"date":"2018-10-12T15:42:37","date_gmt":"2018-10-12T22:42:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=24165"},"modified":"2018-10-12T15:42:37","modified_gmt":"2018-10-12T22:42:37","slug":"good-thing-i-like-sweet-pickles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/12\/good-thing-i-like-sweet-pickles\/","title":{"rendered":"Good Thing I Like Sweet Pickles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservations: <\/strong>He may not be cheating, but \u201cside dishes\u201d come in many different forms.<\/p>\n

☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺<\/p>\n

He left me four times this week. Came home from work, changed, and said, \u201cDon\u2019t wait for me for dinner. I\u2019ll eat when I get back.\u201d<\/p>\n

So since my husband skipped out on me again, unsuccessfully containing his excitement to leave, I invited my mom over to eat with me the Salisbury Steak in mushroom sauce, Bernsteins dressing steamed artichokes, mashed potatoes with Ranch, and warm bread.<\/p>\n

If that mouth-watering home-cooked meal wasn\u2019t enough to keep him home, maybe I should have made it in something a little more risqu\u00e9 than the outfit I just cleaned the house in.<\/p>\n

Doubt it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s got it bad for this one. Admits thinking about doing it all the time. Wakes up in the morning excited with something to look forward to\u2014that doesn\u2019t include me. He\u2019s blowing up our Amazon account to outfit himself perfectly for his blatant rendezvous.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Back oft you pickleballers. Sweet Pickle is all mine.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Pickleball\u2026you are a husband stealer and a bitch.<\/p>\n

If I didn\u2019t plan a date with him and tell him I already bought the movie tickets for tonight, he no doubt would\u2019ve left me again, on a Friday night, no less.<\/p>\n

Because there is always a game waiting. There is always someone willing to play. I know because he can\u2019t resist checking his phone to see who is available to play at the local courts down the street from us on Eastern Ave.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I should blame his buddy, Mike, from introducing him to this seductive sport that combines elements of badminton, tennis, and table tennis or my son for leaving to go to college and driving his father into the arms of any willing paddle player as a distraction from the empty bedroom.<\/p>\n

And if it wasn\u2019t bad enough that he went from first playing one night a week on Thursdays, to Tuesday\/Thursday, to Tues\/Thurs\/Sunday, he then discovered a more beautiful court\u2026with lights.<\/p>\n

That pickleball bitch took him from me this last Monday and Wednesday nights too.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome play with me,\u201d he offered when I let my hurt show that he was leaving again instead of being with me.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, this is your thing. I\u2019ll just hold you back,\u201d I said putting up a weak denial, hoping he would fight for me. \u201cBesides, you love playing with Mike, River, Shaker, Gayle, Kimberly, helmet-guy, Level 5 guy, and that old Philippian gal who always woops your butt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026they\u2019re a great bunch of pickleballers,\u201d he smiled thinking about the new friends he was meeting on a weekly basis. I could see the stress from work melting off him as he thought about his new favorite distraction.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I realized he needed this. I wanted him to be happy. And if I couldn\u2019t make him happy all by myself, then I wanted pickleball to be my wing-woman.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou go, Honey. Go play pickleball. Have a good time. And make sure you beat Shaker this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

He clamped his paddles over his ears and squeezed his eyes closed. \u201cDon\u2019t mention Shaker! Get him out of my head! I don\u2019t want him in my head!\u201d<\/p>\n

He then slung his pickleball bag over his shoulder and gave me an appreciative hug and kiss for letting him whisk off again to go play guilt-free pickleball. As he put his hand on the door to leave, I stopped him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait! Since this is your new passion, you need a nickname.\u201d I came back over to him, stood on my tiptoes to reach his lips, grabbed his butt in my hands and gave it a squeeze as I kissed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou go get \u2018em, Sweet Pickle.\u201d<\/p>\n

#PickleballWidow\u00a0\u00a0 #EmptyNesting\u00a0\u00a0 #SweetPickle<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Back off ladies, Sweet Pickle is all mine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":24166,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[2461,2,86,3,5,28,2477,2478,2479,1361],"class_list":["post-24165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-empty-nesting","tag-family","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-parenting-humor","tag-pickleball","tag-pickleball-widow","tag-sweet-pickle","tag-teens"],"yoast_head":"\nGood Thing I Like Sweet Pickles - Kelli M. 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