{"id":22233,"date":"2018-03-21T12:43:56","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T19:43:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=22233"},"modified":"2018-03-21T12:43:56","modified_gmt":"2018-03-21T19:43:56","slug":"welcome-to-crazy-town","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/21\/welcome-to-crazy-town\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome to Crazy Town"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>Tomb stone possibility: She ain\u2019t no Erma Bombeck, but one time she did make me shoot milk out my nose.<\/p>\n

☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ☺<\/p>\n

\"\"
I can’t believe Dave Barry didn’t get me<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Well, another year and another \u201cL\u201d in the Loser bracket for the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.<\/a> At least my psychologist gets me and my dad thinks I\u2019m the next Erma Bombeck.<\/p>\n

Another plus: Now I can officially publish my submission without threat of disqualification. Add a splash of Baileys to my coffee and cue up Netflix! My afternoon just got freed up with an already written column!<\/p>\n

So, unlike the judges for Erma\u2019s contest (C\u2019mon, Dave Barry<\/a>! Really? This wasn\u2019t Erma gold standard?), I know my loyal Momservations readers will show me the love. (BTW, I also have you listed on my kids\u2019 Emergency Cards if I can\u2019t be reached).<\/p>\n

Without further ado, here\u2019s what I think was the best submission* to the 2017 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Welcome to Crazy Town<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. By this qualification, all mothers are insane.<\/p>\n

Need more proof?<\/p>\n

My kids are now 16 and 18 years old and I am still begging them to make their beds, turn dirty socks right side out, put their dishes in the dishwasher, get their backpacks off the counter, and \u201cFor the love of Peter, Paul & Mary pick up your stuff* and take it to your room!\u201d (*Actual language may have sounded like Cod, tamn shift up.)<\/p>\n

But each day hope springs eternal that today will be the day that after nearly two decades of trying to nag my children into thoughtful and responsible human beings, something will click. It will be a glorious day of made beds, folded and put away laundry, empty dishwashers, and clear counters. I will suddenly hear, like an angel singing, one (or both!) of my children say, \u201cHere, Mom, let me help you with that.\u201d<\/p>\n

See? Insane. Every tamn one of us.<\/p>\n

But, you know, with motherhood, you have to take the W\u2019s in the Win column where you can get them. Otherwise, our collective insanity would just be tragic. Where does a clinically insane mother get her small victories? Here\u2019s a few over the years:<\/p>\n