{"id":14097,"date":"2016-03-09T11:41:18","date_gmt":"2016-03-09T19:41:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=14097"},"modified":"2016-03-09T11:41:18","modified_gmt":"2016-03-09T19:41:18","slug":"from-the-erma-bombeck-rejection-pile-wheres-my-child-been","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/09\/from-the-erma-bombeck-rejection-pile-wheres-my-child-been\/","title":{"rendered":"From the Erma Bombeck Rejection Pile: WHERE’S MY CHILD BEEN?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>Middle names were invented so mothers could effectively yell at their children.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

Well, it wasn’t a winner in the Erma Bombeck writing competition (AGAIN! Man, I can’t get that group to crack a smile) so I thought I’d see what you guys think of my entry for humor writing infamy:<\/em><\/h5>\n

Hello! And welcome to this edition of: Where\u2019s My Child Been? The frustrating game of clutter and ignored requests played by nagging parents all over the world!\"369\"<\/p>\n

A quick nod to our players in Holland with a shout-out to Greta who has tripped over wooden shoes left in the doorway for the 1000th<\/sup> time! We know where her child\u2019s been!<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t forget our loyal players in France with a high five to Juliet for the brie and baguette left on the counter AGAIN! We know where your child\u2019s been!<\/p>\n

And a special \u201cHello\u201d to our Summer Olympics host Rio de Janeiro! Our newest player, Salvador, continues to have sand from the porch to the bathroom no matter how many times he says, \u201cPor favor! No mas playa en mi casa!\u201d We know where your child\u2019s been!<\/p>\n

Where\u2019s My Child Been? is not a new game\u2014it\u2019s been around for centuries! Mrs. Bonaparte yelled, \u201cI know where Napoleon\u2019s been!\u201d before telling him for the 1000th<\/sup> time to pick up his toy soldiers from the middle of the foyer. Mrs. Wright played hundreds of games of Where\u2019s My Child Been? before she got Orville and Wilbur to keep their kites and bicycles out of the den. And Mr. Cousteau stepped on his fair share of wet swim trunks and sea shells playing Where Has Jacque Been?<\/p>\n

So are you ready to play? Rules are easy:\"whlb2\"<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Discover items discarded around the house despite repeated nagging of your children to pick up after themselves.<\/li>\n
  2. If it\u2019s a good day hold up discarded item and yell: \u201cI know where (fill in child\u2019s name)\u2019s been!\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. On a bad day yell: \u201cFor the love of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (fill in child\u2019s entire name)! For the 1,000th<\/sup> time pick up these (insert item)! I\u2019m not your personal assistant!\u201d (Continued rant optional.)<\/li>\n
  4. If the child is not home: cuss under your breath, mutter about nobody ever listening to you while picking up discarded items. Deposit arm full of personal possessions into middle of child\u2019s bed (to be thrown on floor later for another chewing out at bedtime and a rant about forgetting to brush teeth for the 1000th<\/sup> time without being reminded).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    That\u2019s it! Good luck and remember to smile! It only gets more frustrating the older they get! For hours of fun there\u2019s also Where\u2019s My Child Been? Outdoor Edition and What\u2019s That Smell? Car Edition.<\/p>\n

    #FromtheErmaBombeckRejectionPile<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Damn Daniel! Not selected again for the Erma Bombeck writing competition! Or a humorous take on the clutter kids leave behind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":13523,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[1271,1951,1952,1953,2,1954,1955,1956,86,3,1957,5,1958,28,1361],"class_list":["post-14097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-best-mom-blogs","tag-damn-daniel","tag-erma-bombeck","tag-erma-bombeck-writing-competition","tag-family","tag-fun-games-with-kids","tag-games-with-kids","tag-getting-kids-to-pick-up-their-stuff","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-messes-kids-leave","tag-momservations","tag-nagging-kids","tag-parenting-humor","tag-teens"],"yoast_head":"\nFrom the Erma Bombeck Rejection Pile: WHERE'S MY CHILD BEEN? - Kelli M. Wheeler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/09\/from-the-erma-bombeck-rejection-pile-wheres-my-child-been\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From the Erma Bombeck Rejection Pile: WHERE'S MY CHILD BEEN? - Kelli M. Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Damn Daniel! Not selected again for the Erma Bombeck writing competition! Or a humorous take on the clutter kids leave behind.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/09\/from-the-erma-bombeck-rejection-pile-wheres-my-child-been\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Kelli M. 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