{"id":13264,"date":"2014-09-09T13:25:26","date_gmt":"2014-09-09T20:25:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.momservations.com\/?p=13264"},"modified":"2014-09-09T13:25:26","modified_gmt":"2014-09-09T20:25:26","slug":"the-danger-of-the-creative-homecoming-ask","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2014\/09\/09\/the-danger-of-the-creative-homecoming-ask\/","title":{"rendered":"The Danger of the Creative Homecoming Ask"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Homecoming\"Momservation: <\/strong>I\u2019ll double check the Urban Dictionary, but I\u2019m pretty sure \u201cNo\u201d still means \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Homecoming season and I\u2019ll tell you what: It sure is different than when I was in high school. (And saying that out loud officially makes me an old fogey. Saying \u201cold fogey\u201d double confirms it.)<\/p>\n

So if you want a date to Homecoming these days there is no more nervously walking up to somebody in the halls and asking, \u201cWill you go to Homecoming with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

No, it\u2019s a big production now.<\/p>\n

First, what I like to call \u201cThe Exploratory Committee\u201d gets sent out to make sure the prospective date will be receptive to an invitation by the invitee (\u201cI heard Cory Cutie is going to ask you to Homecoming!\u201d An excited \u201cOMG!\u201d gives the green light. An \u201cEwww, no!\u201d gets the thumbs down.)<\/p>\n

Then, boys are expected to go over the top creatively to ask a girl to the dance\u2014\u201cHC?\u201d spelled out in rose petals on a front lawn; giant posters with a clever play on words with a matching gift (i.e. a box of donuts and a sign saying \u201cI hope you donut say no to going to Homecoming with me); a dozen roses waiting in lockers; scavenger hunts; or \u201cHC?\u201d spelled out in tea light candles on a driveway (this is what my son did with lots of female coaching and orchestrating).\u00a0\"homecoming3\"<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s all posted on social media\u2014another way to make people feel inadequate, left out, unpopular, superior or uber popular. As the pictures roll into Instagram and Twitter the pressure mounts for guys to top each other and expectations rise for girls wanting to get asked.<\/p>\n

Sure, it\u2019s all cute and exciting, but honestly\u2026I think the scales tip more toward making me feel bad for the shy kids, the kids without resources (mom to drive you all over, dad to pay for all the gear, friends to help orchestrate), the girls that don\u2019t get asked, and the guys who would like to go to the dance but opt out because of the expectations and pressure.<\/p>\n

I could overlook all this as the sign of the times and just what kids do now except for one thing:<\/p>\n

Girls think they have to say \u201cYes\u201d if asked to the dance this way.<\/p>\n

When one of the freshmen girls told me about a girl who was disappointed with her date I said, \u201cThen why didn\u2019t she say \u2018no\u2019? Was she worried no one else would ask her?\u201d<\/p>\n

The young lady looked at me horrified and said, \u201cYou CAN\u2019T say \u2018no\u2019 after all they did to ask you! You have to say \u2018yes\u2019!\u201d<\/p>\n

Now it was my turn to be horrified. What an awful message to send to young girls!<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no, no, no!\u201d I told her. \u201cYou can ALWAYS say \u2018no\u2019 to anything that doesn\u2019t make you feel comfortable. DO NOT believe that if someone does something nice for you that you are indebted to them\u2014that you owe them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut saying \u2018no\u2019 would be so rude!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a palm to forehead moment. What a horrible precedent to start these high school girls off on their dating experiences!<\/p>\n

Since it wasn\u2019t my kid I didn\u2019t say what I wanted to say:<\/p>\n

\u201cSo if a guy takes you to the movies do you owe him a kiss? If a guy buys you a nice meal do you owe him a trip around \u201cthe bases\u201d? If a guy tells you you owe him sex for all he\u2019s done for you, are you going to say \u2018yes\u2019 because saying \u2018no\u2019 would be rude?\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead I gave her some suggestions for kindly turning down the new style Homecoming date ask:<\/p>\n

Say, \u201cI appreciate the gesture, but I\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t go.\u201d\"homecoming2\"<\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

\u201cI appreciate your kindness, but I don\u2019t really know you that well and would feel uncomfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

\u201cI appreciate your effort and generosity, but no thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is really thoughtful and sweet, but I already have a date.\u201d (a white lie if you must)<\/p>\n

You want to orchestrate a YouTube million views epic asking of someone to Homecoming? Whatever, I don\u2019t get it just the way I don\u2019t get obsessive selfie postings. You want to be asked in a way that would be fit for a teen romance movie starring Shailene Woodley<\/a>? That\u2019s fine, but I think you\u2019re setting yourself up to be disappointed.<\/p>\n

But just remember: She can always say no. You can always say no.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And maybe if girls did say no to such a public grand scale peer pressure proposal guys might go back to just asking in the halls between passing periods\u2026<\/p>\n

#ItsOkToSayNo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The disturbing new trend of why girls feel they can’t say “no” to a date for Homecoming. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":13266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[1271,1452,1453,1454,2,1455,1456,86,3,5,6,28,1457,1458,1459,1047],"class_list":["post-13264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-2","tag-best-mom-blogs","tag-creative-homecoming-asks","tag-creative-homecoming-date-ideas","tag-creative-ways-to-ask-someone-to-homecoming","tag-family","tag-homecoming","tag-its-ok-to-say-no","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-humor","tag-safety-rules-for-teenage-dating","tag-shailene-woodley","tag-teenage-dating","tag-teenagers"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Danger of the Creative Homecoming Ask - Kelli M. 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