{"id":12319,"date":"2013-10-22T13:32:20","date_gmt":"2013-10-22T20:32:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=12319"},"modified":"2013-10-22T13:32:20","modified_gmt":"2013-10-22T20:32:20","slug":"file-under-quit-torturing-me-and-kill-me-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2013\/10\/22\/file-under-quit-torturing-me-and-kill-me-now\/","title":{"rendered":"File Under: Quit Torturing Me and Kill Me Now"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/b>Please put me out of my misery if Adam Sandler officially becomes the gold standard of movie comedy.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

My son turns 14 this week.<\/p>\n

As much as that really makes me feel like my love affair with Leif Garret<\/a> in the 70\u2019s was a long, long, loooong time ago now and that I want to punch the person who\u2019s hit the fast forward button on my life\u2014there are some comforts still to be found in this milestone.<\/p>\n

Mainly, that this boy who is morphing into a young man right before my eyes still considers Mom his best girl. That he would rather celebrate his birthday playing dodge ball on a giant trampoline with his guy friends than go in search of romance at the school dance. That he is still just a silly, energetic, playful Labrador\/boy who will impulsively tackle his sister trying to get her to play with him. And that the too-cool, girl-obsessed, aloof teenager has yet to surface as he randomly erupts with shouts across the house of \u201cAdios pelota!\u201d or \u201cWater-mah-lawn!\u201d (watermelon), and \u201cJerry!\u201d Don\u2019t ask\u2014there is no context which makes it even more random.<\/p>\n

I adore this kid who first made me a mother fourteen years ago Thursday, suddenly making me realize that love had been holding out on me with a whole another transcendent level.<\/p>\n

That is\u2026until the boy starts singing for the millionth time:<\/p>\n

What does the fox say?\u00a0<\/a>Ring ding ding ding dingeringeding!<\/i><\/p>\n

\"Please!<\/a>
Please! Please no! I’m begging!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Then I want to pull his underwear up over his head in an atomic wedgie until it covers his mouth and shuts him up.<\/p>\n

I HATE that song. I hate it like Miley Cyrus<\/a> hates wearing clothes and keeping her tongue in her mouth. I hate it like a Kardashian hates a camera to not be rolling on them.<\/p>\n

The fact that my kids love it, and apparently every other kid and immature adult on the planet, making the inane, ridiculous, and harmoniously awful song and its accompanying absurd video the latest pop culture phenomenon\u2014 once again highlights the sad state of our collective cultural standards. (Adam Sandler movies, people? Really?)<\/p>\n

Every time I hear someone sing out, \u201cWhat does the fox say?<\/a>\u201d I die a little bit inside. It\u2019s not even fun-catchy like Gangnam Style <\/a>was. It\u2019s obnoxiously-irritating catchy like a bad cold from the airline passenger next to you who sneezes without covering their mouth.<\/p>\n

This song gets filed in my Quit Torturing Me and Just Kill Me Now<\/strong> file.<\/p>\n

While we\u2019re there, let\u2019s take a peek at what else is filed in it:<\/p>\n