{"id":11881,"date":"2012-11-13T13:40:21","date_gmt":"2012-11-13T21:40:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11881"},"modified":"2012-11-13T13:40:21","modified_gmt":"2012-11-13T21:40:21","slug":"keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/","title":{"rendered":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/b>Too bad nagging your kids doesn\u2019t burn more calories.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

Dr. Oz shared the secret to losing 5 pounds in three days yesterday<\/a>.\"\"<\/p>\n

Turns out we\u2019re all full of sh**.<\/p>\n

Yes, that\u2019s right, the good doctor said that if we go on this \u201cdetox<\/a>\u201d\u2014which is code word for liquid diet made up of disgusting looking shakes with strange ingredients\u2014we will lose five pounds in 3 day.<\/p>\n

*Dramatic Pause*<\/p>\n

Because you will be spending all your time on the toilet. Detox is also apparently code word for: stay near the bathroom.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s just go ahead and say I\u2019m not that desperate to lose five pounds. I\u2019m also pretty comfortable letting my bowels work at their own preferred pace.<\/p>\n

However, I wouldn\u2019t mind shedding some LB\u2019s before the upcoming holidays. It\u2019d be nice to not have to bust out the fat pants I save for the gluttonous one-two punch of Thanksgiving and Christmas feasting.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m going to share with you my five day plan for losing 3 pounds that doesn\u2019t require excessive amounts of cramping and toilet paper. It works for me and it\u2019s only two steps.<\/p>\n

Ready?<\/p>\n

1)Exercise<\/p>\n

2)Pay attention to what you stick in your mouth.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s it. Works every time: Burn more calories than you take in. No kale, flax seed, coconut water, and magazines next to the toilet needed.<\/p>\n

For me, it\u2019s all about making good choices and saying \u201cno\u201d to bad decisions. Basically, having a little will power for a few days.<\/p>\n

Examples:<\/p>\n

Getting in at least 30 minutes of accelerated heart rate exercise each weekday plus sit-ups\u2014good. (Give yourself the weekend off as a reward\u2014but don\u2019t double reward with food.)<\/p>\n

Choosing to skip the gym or running because my favorite workout shorts that don\u2019t make my butt look too big are dirty\u2014no.<\/p>\n

Substituting my morning hot chocolate and bagel (sugar and carbs) for an egg and yogurt (proteins)\u2014good. (Thanks Tilamook<\/a> for your BOGO yogurt coupons<\/a>\u2014see side bar\u2014in essence sponsoring this weight loss. Your yogurts have become my favorite go-to snack. LOVE the Light Marionberry and the Vanilla Bean.)<\/p>\n

Finishing off the left-over lasagna loaf dinner for lunch because someone has to eat it before it goes bad\u2014No.<\/p>\n

Keeping stocked in protein snacks I enjoy and know I\u2019ll eat, like Tilamook yogurt<\/a> and pistachios\u2014good.<\/p>\n

Raiding the kids\u2019 left-over Halloween candy and snacking on their Goldfish crackers\u2014no.<\/p>\n

Portion control at dinner, substituting brown rice for the bread I usually serve\u2014good.<\/p>\n

Going for seconds, drenching everything with Ranch dressing, and sopping it up with bread\u2014no.<\/p>\n

Not eating anything after 7:30 p.m., distracting myself with something that keeps my hands and brain busy, like Sudoku.<\/p>\n

Distracting myself with Ben & Jerry\u2019s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream while watching TV in bed\u2014no.<\/p>\n

I may be literally filled with five pounds of sh**, but I\u2019ll tell you my two-step plan works. With a little extra will power and commitment to burning more calories than I take it, I lost three pounds last week. I\u2019m going for 3 more this week.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll be able to stick with it, but honestly, I\u2019m just looking to break even on the loss\/gain over Thanksgiving week and keep the fat pants in the closet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two step plan to losing three pounds in five days as opposed to Dr. Oz’s 3-day detox.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[833,834,835,2,86,3,5,28,836,837,838],"class_list":["post-11881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-dr-oz","tag-dr-ozs-3-day-detox","tag-dr-ozs-detox-cleanse","tag-family","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-parenting-humor","tag-tilamook","tag-tilamook-yogurt","tag-weight-loss-strategy"],"yoast_head":"\nKeeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Two step plan to losing three pounds in five days as opposed to Dr. Oz's 3-day detox.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Kelli M. Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kelli M Wheeler\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kelli M Wheeler\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\"},\"headline\":\"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":572,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/s.doctoroz.com\\\/sites\\\/default\\\/files\\\/imagecache\\\/150x100\\\/media\\\/image_thumb\\\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Dr. Oz\",\"Dr. Oz's 3-day detox\",\"Dr. Oz's detox cleanse\",\"family\",\"Kelli Wheeler\",\"kids\",\"momservations\",\"parenting humor\",\"Tilamook\",\"Tilamook yogurt\",\"weight loss strategy\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Parenting humor\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/\",\"name\":\"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/s.doctoroz.com\\\/sites\\\/default\\\/files\\\/imagecache\\\/150x100\\\/media\\\/image_thumb\\\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/s.doctoroz.com\\\/sites\\\/default\\\/files\\\/imagecache\\\/150x100\\\/media\\\/image_thumb\\\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/s.doctoroz.com\\\/sites\\\/default\\\/files\\\/imagecache\\\/150x100\\\/media\\\/image_thumb\\\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/2012\\\/11\\\/13\\\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"Kelli M. Wheeler\",\"description\":\"AUTHOR -WRITING INSTRUCTOR \u2013 PUBLISHER \u2013 FREELANCE WRITER\\\/EDITOR \u2013 FAMILY COLUMNIST\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43\",\"name\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kelli M Wheeler\"},\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/momservations.com\\\/index.php\\\/author\\\/kellimwheeler\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler","og_description":"Two step plan to losing three pounds in five days as opposed to Dr. Oz's 3-day detox.","og_url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/","og_site_name":"Kelli M. Wheeler","article_published_time":"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"Kelli M Wheeler","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kelli M Wheeler","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/"},"author":{"name":"Kelli M Wheeler","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43"},"headline":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet","datePublished":"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/"},"wordCount":572,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg","keywords":["Dr. Oz","Dr. Oz's 3-day detox","Dr. Oz's detox cleanse","family","Kelli Wheeler","kids","momservations","parenting humor","Tilamook","Tilamook yogurt","weight loss strategy"],"articleSection":["Parenting humor"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/","url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/","name":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet - Kelli M. Wheeler","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg","datePublished":"2012-11-13T21:40:21+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/s.doctoroz.com\/sites\/default\/files\/imagecache\/150x100\/media\/image_thumb\/4_055_Promo_Still_173.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/13\/keeping-the-fat-pants-in-the-closet\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Keeping the Fat Pants in the Closet"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/","name":"Kelli M. Wheeler","description":"AUTHOR -WRITING INSTRUCTOR \u2013 PUBLISHER \u2013 FREELANCE WRITER\/EDITOR \u2013 FAMILY COLUMNIST","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ef0acae18761d7be1529ccf2d4d99f43","name":"Kelli M Wheeler","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/42b6e06276ebbd2f83335769170e77f3324477912fe404bfeb83eb04e4e4776c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kelli M Wheeler"},"url":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/author\/kellimwheeler\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11881"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11881\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}