{"id":11841,"date":"2012-09-18T12:34:59","date_gmt":"2012-09-18T19:34:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11841"},"modified":"2012-09-18T12:34:59","modified_gmt":"2012-09-18T19:34:59","slug":"ten-things-you-dont-say-to-your-wife-if-you-want-to-get-some","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/09\/18\/ten-things-you-dont-say-to-your-wife-if-you-want-to-get-some\/","title":{"rendered":"Ten Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife if You Want to Get Some"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>The sooner everyone realizes – if mom is happy, everyone\u2019s happy – this place will run a lot smoother.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, you are so not getting any tonight.<\/em><\/p>\n

If this thought bubble could be read over a wife\u2019s head, husbands would save themselves a lot of wasted time and effort they should\u2019ve devoted to rolling over and going to sleep.<\/p>\n

Better yet, they should back up one more step, never uttering the words that makes this thought bubble pop up \u2013 BTW, visible to any woman or gay man in the room overhearing the infraction.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m feeling generous today so I\u2019m going to help the husbands out by providing an easy cheat sheet that will keep these inadvertent verbal grenades from being lobbed. Wives \u2013 it\u2019s up to you if you want to pass this on to them, or if you count on these regular oh no he din-int\u2019s<\/em> for a little break from the full court press.<\/p>\n

Ten Things You Don\u2019t Say to Your Wife if You Want to Get Some<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cWhat exactly did you do all day?\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. \u201cGeez, this place looks like a homeless encampment.\u201d (this gem supplied by my friend Michelle)<\/li>\n
  3. \u201cWhat does someone have to do to get some clean underwear and socks around here?\u201d<\/li>\n
  4. \u201cIs that really what we\u2019re having for dinner?\u201d<\/li>\n
  5. \u201cIsn\u2019t it time to get your hair colored? \u2013 You\u2019re looking kinda grey.\u201d<\/li>\n
  6. \u201cYou\u2019re not actually going to wear that are you?\u201d<\/li>\n
  7. \u201cIt\u2019s your turn, I did it last time.\u201d<\/li>\n
  8. \u201cWhen you\u2019re done helping the kids with their homework can you take care of this\u2026\u201d (note \u2013 it does not matter what this <\/em>is)<\/li>\n
  9. \u201cNever mind. I\u2019ll just do it myself.\u201d<\/li>\n
  10. \u201cWelcome to my world.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    This is actually a short list, but we\u2019ll start with that. And if you Hubbies don\u2019t think this applies to you, here\u2019s the thought bubble that will be over your wife\u2019s head: Welcome to my world where you ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 any tonight.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A cheat for husbands of what not to say if they’re hoping for a little nookie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[2,86,3,5,28,798,799,800,598],"class_list":["post-11841","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-family","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-parenting-humor","tag-someecards","tag-things-husbands-shouldnt-say-to-their-wives","tag-things-you-dont-say-to-your-wife","tag-top-ten-list"],"yoast_head":"\nTen Things You Don't Say to Your Wife if You Want to Get Some - Kelli M. 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