{"id":11813,"date":"2012-08-14T12:19:39","date_gmt":"2012-08-14T19:19:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11813"},"modified":"2012-08-14T12:19:39","modified_gmt":"2012-08-14T19:19:39","slug":"the-terrible-twos-never-looked-so-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/08\/14\/the-terrible-twos-never-looked-so-good\/","title":{"rendered":"The Terrible Twos Never Looked So Good"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>Nothing strikes panic in a mother\u2019s heart like hearing her preteen ask, \u201cMom, when can I have a Facebook account?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
How do I get these babies back?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In two days I\u2019ll officially have two kids in middle school. It makes me want to throw up on my shoes with anxiety.<\/p>\n

It makes potty training seem like a walk in the park.<\/p>\n

It makes teething seem like a minor inconvenience.<\/p>\n

It makes midnight feedings seem like a delightful alternative sleeping lifestyle.<\/p>\n

I want my babies back.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, I\u2019ve got a kid dousing himself in Axe<\/a> and another kid who needs to start shopping in the lingerie department.<\/p>\n

I want diaper rash and Destin back!<\/p>\n

We\u2019re having battles over Twitter<\/a> accounts, Facebook <\/a>accounts, Instagram<\/a> and Kik<\/a> accounts \u2013 two preteens ready and willing to broadcast their perceived monumental lives to the masses, fringe friends and frenemies. Too immature and inexperienced to understand the consequences of bad decisions that go viral at lightning speed.<\/p>\n

But what do I know? I have two kids that know everything.<\/p>\n

I want my toddler back who says \u201cNo!\u201d to everything.<\/p>\n

Boys are texting my girl. Girls are texting my boy. They can\u2019t tell me what the learned in English but they can tell me who\u2019s going out with who and who just got suspended. Foul and inappropriate talk becomes as normal as ketchup on fries.<\/p>\n

How do I go back to the days when \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cshut up\u201d were bad words?<\/p>\n

Girls will be rated as \u201chot,\u201d boys will described as \u201cyummy,\u201d and my kids will be existing in a place where the student body morphs into walking hormones in Nike Free Runs<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I want the monotony of a hours spent at McDonald\u2019s Playland<\/a> back!<\/p>\n

I know in my 11 year-old and almost 13 year olds’ near future will be dances, overnight field trips, boobies, holding hands, kissing when nobody\u2019s looking, make-up, shaving, testing of boundaries and human anatomy exploration.<\/p>\n

What just happened? I think I just fainted\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The anxiety of having two preteens in middle school puts the wearisome toddler years in a whole new perspective. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[775,294,2,776,86,3,777,778,520,779,5,780,28,302],"class_list":["post-11813","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-challenges-of-middle-school","tag-facebook","tag-family","tag-instagram","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-kik","tag-mcdonalds-playland","tag-middle-school","tag-middle-school-anxiety-for-parents","tag-momservations","tag-nike-free-runs","tag-parenting-humor","tag-twitter"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Terrible Twos Never Looked So Good - Kelli M. 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