{"id":11719,"date":"2012-05-08T10:26:49","date_gmt":"2012-05-08T17:26:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11719"},"modified":"2012-05-08T10:26:49","modified_gmt":"2012-05-08T17:26:49","slug":"i-was-elizabeth-banks-in-what-to-expect-when-youre-expecting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/05\/08\/i-was-elizabeth-banks-in-what-to-expect-when-youre-expecting\/","title":{"rendered":"I Was Elizabeth Banks in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>After nine months of pregnancy the first thing a new mom wants to do is eat hot dogs and sushi in a hot tub and wash it down with a cold beer or glass of wine.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

With Mother\u2019s Day coming up one of the things I am thankful for is that I only had to put in 18 months for a lifetime of the two fabulous kids I have.<\/p>\n

I feel especially fortunate for that because I could not have done it a third time no matter how fantastic a kid I could\u2019ve had. I could\u2019ve been promised the genetic lottery of a Beyonce\/Tom Brady\/Hillary Clinton\/Zac Ephron\/Maria Shriver hybrid and I still would\u2019ve said, \u201cThanks, but even if I got to keep the pregnancy boobs, I\u2019m out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Some women enjoy pregnancy. I did not.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I\u2019m looking forward to going to see the movie, What to Expect When You\u2019re Expecting<\/a>. <\/em>I was the Elizabeth Banks character who cries, \u201cPregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JQTetUGvKWk]<\/p>\n

I was a swollen-ankled, huge and uncomfortable, overly emotional, favorite food and drink deprived, hot mess wearing dresses like a circus tent. And especially with the first pregnancy, I was scared to death at my alien transformation.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why the book, WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING<\/a>, became my bible. No matter where I went, it was within arm\u2019s reach, promising to see me through each swollen-ankled step to the finish line. That and THE GIRLFRIEND’S GUIDE TO PREGNANCY<\/a>, assured me I wasn\u2019t going to be a horrible mother because I just wanted my baby to quit doing it\u2019s cute little hiccups in my stomach already so I could just get some sleep.<\/p>\n

In the WTEWYE book<\/a>, I was especially thankful for the break down each month of \u201cWhat You May Be Wondering About\u201d. They were questions you were too embarrassed to ask your doctor, with answers that gave you relief that you were a normal, grumpy, fat bit** cooking up a human being. Like:<\/p>\n

Another Reason for Being Tired, Moody and Constipated<\/em><\/p>\n

Sex Through the Trimesters and Cramp After Orgasm<\/em><\/p>\n

Unwanted Advice and Unwanted Belly Touching<\/em><\/p>\n

Pregnant Women are Delicious<\/em><\/p>\n

Handling It All<\/em><\/p>\n

I also didn\u2019t know whether to laugh or cry that the further you got in your pregnancy the more the \u201cWhat You May Be Wondering About\u201d sounded like a torture list from Guantanamo Bay detention camp:<\/p>\n

Numbness In Hands<\/em><\/p>\n

Leg Cramps<\/em><\/p>\n

Hemorrhoids<\/em><\/p>\n

Accidental Falls<\/em><\/p>\n

Strange Skin Bumps<\/em><\/p>\n

Shortness of Breath<\/em><\/p>\n

Lack of Bladder Control<\/em><\/p>\n

Leaky Breasts<\/em><\/p>\n

So now that I\u2019m over a decade removed from the baby making battle that left me with permanent stretch marks resembling the face of Cornel Sanders, I\u2019m ready to laugh about it all. I\u2019m ready to see myself as Elizabeth Banks in the WTEWYE movie<\/a> and feel validated that not every pregnant woman can do it as beautifully as Jennifer Lopez.<\/p>\n

Although my kids came out way cuter. \u263a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Just in time for Mother’s Day, new movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, validates my get-this-thing-out-of-my-body pregnancy experience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[710,711,2,712,86,3,713,5,298,714,28,715,716,717,718,719,720,620],"class_list":["post-11719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-beyonce","tag-elizabeth-banks","tag-family","tag-hillary-clinton","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-maria-shriver","tag-momservations","tag-mothers-day","tag-not-so-perfect-pregnancies","tag-parenting-humor","tag-pregnancy","tag-pregnancy-books","tag-the-girlfriends-guide-to-pregnancy","tag-tom-brady","tag-what-to-expect-when-youre-expecting","tag-what-to-expect-when-youre-expecting-movie-trailer","tag-zac-ephron"],"yoast_head":"\nI Was Elizabeth Banks in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - Kelli M. 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