{"id":11640,"date":"2012-02-21T10:00:35","date_gmt":"2012-02-21T18:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11640"},"modified":"2012-02-21T10:00:35","modified_gmt":"2012-02-21T18:00:35","slug":"and-a-child-shall-lead-them-to-the-promised-turtle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2012\/02\/21\/and-a-child-shall-lead-them-to-the-promised-turtle\/","title":{"rendered":"And a Child Shall Lead Them to the Promised Turtle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Momservation: <\/strong>A vast majority of childhood is spent trying to convince your parents to let you get\/keep some sort of creature for a pet.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\">\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n<p>I thought I had avoided becoming a turtle mom.<\/p>\n<p>I am already a dog mom. I have been a hamster mom once (the second time I refused custody). I\u2019ve also been a fish mom \u2013 the least rewarding of all my reluctant guardianships (sorry fish pet owners \u2013 swimming to the top of a bowl expectantly at feeding time is NOT showing personality).<\/p>\n<p>When I had kids I wished someone had warned me that they come with strings attached \u2013 mainly, becoming a de facto caretaker of a menagerie of animals that they just couldn\u2019t live without.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, and despite the care you give these pets when they are quickly forsaken for something with zero responsibility, most of them will not outlive a Goldfish cracker dropped in the center of a toddler playgroup. Your flowerbed will become a pet cemetery and you will feel your heart being tugged and pulled when copious tears are shed for an animal you couldn\u2019t get them to support despite a custody agreement.<\/p>\n<p>Last year my daughter, Whitney, (future successful defense attorney), and I negotiated terms for turtle ownership (<a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/2011\/10\/04\/a-satisfying-tale-of-i-told-you-so\/\">A Satisfying Tale of \u201cI Told You So<\/a>&#8220;). We ended up with a hamster when we realized the responsibility and cost involved with a turtle greatly outdistanced the terms of the agreement.<\/p>\n<p>Shortly after, Homer the Hamster was relocated through Witness Protection Program. Or the This Animal May Be Cute But It Is Seriously Stinky, Noisy, and A Lot More Work Than I Bargained For program.<\/p>\n<p>Cut to this weekend. We are visiting friends who have accidently unearthed eight baby <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Red-eared_slider\">Red-eared Sliders<\/a>. After enjoying these adorable miniature turtles overnight they are planning to relocate them to their nearby pond. Minus one, if Whitney gets her way.<\/p>\n<p>She is begging for one of the turtles. I say \u201cno\u201d with my usual argument that animals belong in their natural habitat. Daddy says \u201cno\u201d making reference to all her unpaid \u201cchild\u201d support obligations.<\/p>\n<p>The future defense attorney does not back down. Turning to me while lovingly cupping the impossibly tiny and cute mini turtle in her hands she says, \u201cYou promised me a turtle, remember? You made me get a hamster instead, when I <em>REALLY<\/em> wanted a turtle. You said a turtle was too expensive, but this one is <em>FREE.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe equipment to properly take care of a turtle is not free,\u201d I argue back.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can create a proper habitat with our old aquarium. It\u2019ll be an easier pet than the hamster I didn\u2019t really want that you made me get instead of a turtle.\u201d When she realizes the shifting of blame for Homer\u2019s relocation isn\u2019t working by the watch-it look on my face, she switches tactics. \u201cIf we release this little turtle to the pond when he\u2019s this tiny and defenseless it will be eaten by birds, the otters, fish\u2026<em>Please<\/em>, Mom, can I save just one?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s working. I\u2019m starting to worry about these cute little guys. I decide to go with the answer I think is best. \u201cGo ask your father.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As I sit in the truck waiting to go home I wonder if Daddy will stick to his guns of not making me a mother again.<\/p>\n<p>Say \u201chello\u201d to Tiny Tim:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/039.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-11643\" title=\"039\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/039.jpg?w=300\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/038.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-11642\" title=\"038\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/038.jpg?w=200\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/036.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-11641\" title=\"036\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/036.jpg?w=200\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/043.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-11644\" title=\"043\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/043.jpg?w=200\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When a baby turtle is unearthed Mom just can&#8217;t say &#8220;no&#8221; to becoming a pet mom again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[165],"tags":[650,2,86,3,651,5,28,652,653],"class_list":["post-11640","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-baby-turtle","tag-family","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-kids-and-pets","tag-momservations","tag-parenting-humor","tag-pet-responsibility","tag-red-eared-slider"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>And a Child Shall Lead Them to the Promised Turtle - Kelli M. 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