{"id":11487,"date":"2011-09-13T15:23:11","date_gmt":"2011-09-13T22:23:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11487"},"modified":"2011-09-13T15:23:11","modified_gmt":"2011-09-13T22:23:11","slug":"please-pass-the-geiger-counter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2011\/09\/13\/please-pass-the-geiger-counter\/","title":{"rendered":"Please Pass the Geiger Counter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Momservation: <\/strong>Sometimes it\u2019s just best not to explain.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align:center;\">\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_11489\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-11489\" style=\"width: 52px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/09\/005.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-11489\" title=\"005\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/09\/005.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"52\" height=\"173\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-11489\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I guess I can thank my thyroid and not the gym for my sudden weight loss<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>So, I found out today I have <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayoclinic.com\/health\/graves-disease\/DS00181\">Graves Disease<\/a>. It\u2019s simply a fancy name for an over-active thyroid and excellent excuse to eat all the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nabiscoworld.com\/oreo\/\">Oreos<\/a> I want (excessive weight loss is a side-effect. For all my friends out there who have been telling me I look great \u2013 thanks, but evidently I\u2019ve been cheating).<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s tempting to let this condition have its way with me in the name of gluttony without repercussions. However, constantly feeling like I\u2019ve just shot-gunned a 12-pack of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.redbullusa.com\">Red Bull<\/a> is the trade-off. For someone who has been known to yell at a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.starbucks.com\">Starbucks<\/a> barista in a panic after just a few sips of a botched order, \u201cMy God woman! What have you done to me? I said DECAF!\u201d this can be a problem.<\/p>\n<p>Another side effect of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayoclinic.com\/health\/hyperthyroidism\/DS00344\">hyperthyroidism<\/a> is hotness. I\u2019ve been running like a \u201969 Buick chugging uphill on a hot day with the heater on in hopes of not overheating.<\/p>\n<p>Every time I had a hot flash I\u2019d say to Hubby in alarm, \u201cI\u2019m only 40! I can\u2019t be pre-menopausal already!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Hubby, who affectionately calls me a lizard because I\u2019m so easily too cold or too hot, would assure me, \u201cYou\u2019re not premenopausal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut all of a sudden I sweat like<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Richard_Simmons\"> Richard Simmons<\/a>&#8216;\u00a0 <em>Sweating to the Oldies<\/em>\u00a0when I\u2019m at the gym!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not premenopausal,\u201d he repeated.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut I\u2019m hot and cranky all the time now!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTrust me,\u201d he said, \u201cIt\u2019s nothing new.\u201d Then he ducked a swing.<\/p>\n<p>Basically, it turns out, my thyroid circuit is blown and my metabolism is going haywire. To check and confirm this I had to take an <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayoclinic.com\/health\/graves-disease\/DS00181\/DSECTION=tests-and-diagnosis\">iodine pill rendering me slightly and temporarily radioactive<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I thought this was very cool. I felt like I had super powers. That is if it\u2019s a super power to keep everyone out and away from my bathroom (so my pee wouldn\u2019t contaminate them).<\/p>\n<p>When I picked up my son from school I announced, \u201cHey, guess what? I\u2019m radioactive!\u201d\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/09\/radioactive.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-11491\" title=\"radioactive\" src=\"http:\/\/momservations.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/09\/radioactive.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"74\" height=\"74\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Unimpressed he asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s radioactive?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt means\u2026it means I\u2019m\u2026\u201d Shoot. What does it mean? \u201cIt means I\u2019m emitting radiation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat does \u2018emitting radiation\u2019 mean?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt means I\u2019m radioactive! It means I could make a Geiger counter go haywire!\u201d I said thinking I was totally cool.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh\u2026Jackson did a backflip today at school!\u201d Apparently, I was not as cool as Jackson.<\/p>\n<p>Not getting the proper reaction from my son, I tried my radioactive bit on my daughter.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo\u2026you\u2019ve been playing a lot of songs on the radio?\u201d she asked confused and only mildly interested.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, so no one in my family was impressed that I was radioactive or that I was the human equivalent of a runaway locomotive \u2013 recklessly churning, steaming, powering down fuel.<\/p>\n<p>In order to set my body straight, I need to either take a pill every day that may possibly regulate my thyroid or radiate my thyroid into oblivion, shutting its overactive a** down forever. Then I\u2019d have to take a pill for an <em>unde<\/em>ractive thyroid.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m trying the pill first, but I considered just shuttin\u2019 her down. If I did that the doctor advised having my own bathroom for a little while because I\u2019d be pretty radioactive.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d be so cooler than Jackson\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kids are not impressed when Mom becomes temporarily radioactive for her diagnosis of Graves&#8217; Disease.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,165],"tags":[2,534,535,536,537,86,3,5,464,538,28,539,540,541,542],"class_list":["post-11487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-2","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-family","tag-geiger-counter","tag-graves-disease","tag-hyperthyroidism","tag-iodine-pill","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-oreos","tag-overactive-thyroid","tag-parenting-humor","tag-radioactive","tag-red-bull","tag-richard-simmons","tag-starbucks"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Please Pass the Geiger Counter - Kelli M. 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