{"id":11351,"date":"2011-05-24T13:11:24","date_gmt":"2011-05-24T20:11:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11351"},"modified":"2011-05-24T13:11:24","modified_gmt":"2011-05-24T20:11:24","slug":"you-win-one-you-lose-a-bunch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2011\/05\/24\/you-win-one-you-lose-a-bunch\/","title":{"rendered":"You Win One You Lose a Bunch"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservation: <\/strong>The only certainties in life are death, taxes and that your children will at some point embarrass you.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

You can teach a dog to fetch but you can\u2019t make it bring it back if you\u2019ve just thrown it in a park loaded with picnic crumbs.<\/p>\n

This is not a fortune I pulled out of a cookie (although it should be), just a lesson I learned this weekend at our community\u2019s Arden Bark Dog Show<\/a>.<\/p>\n

My kids were so excited to bring our 18 month old Yellow Lab, Darby, to this second annual fun-filled event with free dog toys and competitive categories like Best Tail Wagger and Best Dog Trick.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
My kids ready to take the competition by storm<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We had high hopes pinned to Darby\u2019s adorableness, charm and ability to listen if you happen to have a pocket full of treats. The kids even dressed her up in anticipation of the Look Alike contest so they were all wearing one of Daddy\u2019s blue Kyber Construction t-shirts.<\/p>\n

At $5 a category, with my daughter Whitney, 10, as her handler, and with hopes of a blue ribbon and bragging rights Darby was entered in:<\/p>\n

Best Tail Wagger<\/strong><\/p>\n

Owner\/Dog Look Alike<\/strong><\/p>\n

Best Costume<\/strong><\/p>\n

Best Trick<\/strong><\/p>\n

Best Retriever<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Whitney also entered an essay into the essay contest with the prompt: If Dogs Were Teachers, What Would They Teach?<\/p>\n

Surveying the competition we weren\u2019t too sure of Darby\u2019s ability to outperform in the first four categories, but we were feeling good for her chances in the last category \u2013 she is a Labrador Retriever <\/em>after all.<\/p>\n

First, Darby was beat by a dog with no tail in the Best Tail Wagger competition. Logic would say it seemed like it should\u2019ve been a disqualifier. But we are nothing if good sports.<\/p>\n

Next, Darby was skunked in the Owner\/Dog Look Alike. Adorable girl, adorable dog, wasn\u2019t sure how they could lose, but the judges see what they want to see. And, apparently, a giant girl with a giant dog (Saint Bernard), both wearing tiny hats trumps cute.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Our neighbors Mark and Harley, robbed by a Saint Bernard in a silly costume in the Owner\/Dog Look Alike Competition<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Placed out of the ribbons in the Best Costume, but technically Darby wasn\u2019t in a costume – it was more staging for the previous category. Plus it\u2019s hard to beat a Great Dane in a sequined pink tutu.<\/p>\n

Darby\u2019s ability to sit and lay down on command was not enough to edge out a dog that could jump 7 feet into the crux of a tree for a Frisbee. Really, Border Collies should be considered professionals and not allowed to compete in amateur events.<\/p>\n

So it came down to the Best Retriever category as our last hope for glory and to validate our invested $25.<\/p>\n

With the competition loaded with retrievers, we planned to wow them with Darby\u2019s training \u2013 following commands to sit, lay down, wait for throw, bring it straight back, sit and drop the ball.<\/p>\n

The first inkling there might be a problem was the handler. On the Alpha Dog scale, Darby has always viewed Whitney as an Omega \u2013 loves her to pieces but, really, not worth listening to. Probably cause Whitney chooses to watch iCarly instead of feeding her. I offered to take over, but Whitney insisted on taking the lead.<\/p>\n

As we waited on deck, last to go, it suddenly occurred to me this was not going to go well. I remembered the previous night we had been at Music in the Park and the grassy field had been covered with picnicking people. The retrieving ground had become a smorgasbord of dropped chips and dips.<\/p>\n

I leaned into my friend whose Chuckit! <\/a>we were going to borrow and whispered my fears, \u201cOh no! Darby\u2019s going to ignore the ball and go for the food in the grass!\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed the laugh of a winner, her retriever Wally just performing brilliantly. \u201cOh that would be great if she stopped to take a dump too!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a nearly correct prediction.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Darby looking like she might actually shine in the Best Retriever competition - but doomed by snacks in the grass<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Much to everyone\u2019s entertainment, after ignoring the ball to run out and snack like a grazing cow Darby took a moment to squat \u2013 and pee. Ignoring all commands, I then had to send my son out to retrieve the ball.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, there was no Comic Relief category. Darby, apparently, has no prize worthy skills beyond being adorably inept.<\/p>\n

Whitney though saved the family name and recouped our failed investment by winning first place and $50 bucks in the essay contest.<\/p>\n

Who\u2019s the Alpha Dog now, Darby?<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=QWPnWDN7Anc]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The family dog bombs at the dog show, but son is best retriever and daughter wins top prize<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,165],"tags":[422,152,423,424,425,2,426,39,86,3,5,6,28,427,428],"class_list":["post-11351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-2","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-arden-bark-dog-show","tag-chuckit","tag-dog-show","tag-dogs","tag-essay-contest-winner","tag-family","tag-family-activities","tag-family-fun","tag-kelli-wheeler","tag-kids","tag-momservations","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-humor","tag-retrievers","tag-yellow-labs"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Win One You Lose a Bunch - Kelli M. 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