{"id":11298,"date":"2011-04-12T11:37:00","date_gmt":"2011-04-12T18:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/momservations.wordpress.com\/?p=11298"},"modified":"2011-04-12T11:37:00","modified_gmt":"2011-04-12T18:37:00","slug":"always-and-never","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/momservations.com\/index.php\/2011\/04\/12\/always-and-never\/","title":{"rendered":"Always and Never"},"content":{"rendered":"

Momservations: <\/strong>It\u2019s either always or never – it can\u2019t be both. Unless, of course, you have kids.<\/p>\n

\u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u263a<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s always <\/em><\/strong>my fault!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
If I NEVER let them do anything fun and am ALWAYS mean, this moment must have NEVER happened...<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cI never<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>get to do anything fun!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe always<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>gets to go first!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe never<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>gets in trouble!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou always<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>say \u2018No\u2019!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>let us go anywhere!\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, my poor, deprived, persecuted children. Listening to them you\u2019d think they are living in Little Libya and I\u2019m the female Muammar Gaddafi<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Either that or they\u2019ve suffered short term memory loss not remembering anything that happened in the previous minutes that would invalidate their Always and Never theories.<\/p>\n

As a parent it drives me absolutely bonkers when my kids incorrectly use the phrases \u201calways\u201d and \u201cnever\u201d in their sob story pronouncements. It\u2019s right up there with adults (usually on the news channels) using \u201cliterally\u201d incorrectly (\u201cNext up we will feature a man who literally pounded the pavement to notify people of a sex offender in the neighborhood!\u201d \u2013 Really? Hit the ground with his fists like a modern day smoke signal?)<\/p>\n

So I like to have a little linguistic fun with them, which usually has the same effect on their self-righteous pity parties as throwing water on a cat.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh really, you neve<\/em>r<\/strong> get to do anything fun? Then you must never<\/em><\/strong> have been to Disneyland AND Disneyworld<\/a>. And you must never<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>have just had a birthday party scavenger hunt organized by your mean-never<\/em><\/strong>-let-you-do-anything mother. In that case, you probably will never <\/em><\/strong>get to go skiing on Spring Break this week because you never <\/em><\/strong>get to do anything!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop Mom, it\u2019s not funny!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoy, I would never<\/em><\/strong> want to be you. You never<\/em><\/strong> get to do anything fun!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay Mom! I get it! Please, stop!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? I\u2019m not doing anything. I would never<\/em><\/strong> do anything to make fun of you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Cue the glaring child with arms crossed who turns to stomp out of the room.<\/p>\n

This morning I got to deal with an always<\/em><\/strong> snit. The martyred offender yelling, \u201cHow come it\u2019s always <\/em><\/strong>my fault!\u201d <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry Mother Teresa! I forgot you\u2019re always<\/em><\/strong> a saint. You are always <\/em><\/strong>so kind and considerate to your sister. You always <\/em><\/strong>keep your hands to yourself and always <\/em><\/strong>only have the nicest things to say. You are always <\/em><\/strong>so helpful to her and always <\/em><\/strong>try to make her life nothing but pleasant.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKnock it off Mom, it\u2019s not funny!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? Should I have Daddy bring you some bread and water later because it\u2019s always<\/em><\/strong> your fault so you must always <\/em><\/strong>be in your room?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cue the glaring child with arms crossed who turns to stomp out of the room.<\/p>\n

Cut to Mom with a triumphant smile on her face who will never <\/em><\/strong>pass up an opportunity to always<\/em><\/strong> teach her kids a lesson. And sometimes poke a little fun at them too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mom takes an opportunity to poke fun at the kids and teach a lesson because she is ALWAYS so mean and NEVER lets them do anything.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,165],"tags":[368,240,241,2,245,369,3,370,5,371,372,219,6,28,373],"class_list":["post-11298","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting-2","category-parenting-humor-2","tag-always","tag-disneyland","tag-disneyworld","tag-family","tag-kelli-m-wheeler","tag-kid-tantrums","tag-kids","tag-literaly","tag-momservations","tag-muammar-gaddafi","tag-never","tag-parenthood","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-humor","tag-teaching-kids-a-lesson"],"yoast_head":"\nAlways and Never - Kelli M. 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